dear baby finn,
we took a trip to oakland, california last weekend for your aunt tiffany's wedding. we had been looking forward to this trip for a while, for a few different reasons...1) it was the first time you would be meeting your aunts, tiffany and wendy, your uncles, dave and kevin, and your cousin shaya, 2) we were so excited for your aunt tiffany to tie the knot and we couldn't wait to attend the ceremony and share her special day with her, and 3) we were excited to travel with you for the first time and take you on your first vacation!
now, in this day and age when people travel, most people like to take the airplane. not your dad though! he had never ridden a train before, and he was dead set on riding the train to california. a month or so ago when we booked our train tickets i thought it sounded like a fun idea, but as our departure date drew closer and closer, the thought of taking the train sounded more and more dreadful. first of all, the train ride is 17 hours long. to drive to california takes about 11 hours, so i am not sure why it takes so dang long for the train to get there! second of all, trains (like planes and busses) are filthy dirty, and i am a bit of a germaphob. the thought of sitting on that flithy dirty train for 17+ hours sounded horrific, especially with my two month old baby! third of all, riding the train to california and finding another form of transportation to come home was becoming more and more expensive...neither your dad or i realized how expensive a one-way plane ticket home was, and you'd have to be crazy to believe i was willing to take the train both ways.
the day our train was leaving i begged dad for 30 minutes to reconsider taking the train there. i told him i would be willing to take a trip on the train another time, but i just really reallllllllly did not want to take it this time. it was his dream to take the train, however, and unfortunately for us he would not budge and we were forced to take it with him. we were supposed to be at the train station a half hour early to check in, so we got to the train station at 10:45 p.m. on thursday june 23rd, and our trip was all downhill from there.
due to flooding in nebraska (where our train was coming from) the train was delayed three hours. luckily for us we don't live very far from the train station, so we checked in...checked some of our baggage in...and came back home and slept for a couple hours before the train arrived in salt lake city. we were back at the train station by 2:00 a.m. like we were supposed to be...waited for another 45 minutes for the train to get there, and were finally on board by 3:00 in the morning. it was a long and exhausting night!
the next morning we all woke up fairly early...you and dad slept on the bottom bunk together and were awake by 6:30 or so. when i woke up you two were just chattin' away, you were smiling at him and so happy. it was so incredibly cute! :) i got out of bed, fed you, then we went to the "cafeteria cart" to eat breakfast...french toast, which was actually pretty good. after breakfast we went back to our sleeper cart and just sat and enjoyed the scenery for an hour or so. i started to get a bit sleepy so i decided to lay down while you and dad went to the observatory cart to get a better view of everything. i don't know how long i had been sleeping for when all of the sudden a big jolt nearly knocked me out of bed (the top bunk, mind you!).
immediately i jumped down and started running toward the observatory cart to find you and dad. i didn't even know what had happened to us at that point, all i knew was it was scary and i wanted to make sure you guys were okay. on my way through the halls i heard people saying that our train just hit a truck and that we would be there for a while. it didn't take long to find you and dad because dad started running back toward me the moment the accident happened. we grabbed some things and got off the train to get a look at what had happened. all we saw was smoke and fire coming from one of the train cars. that is when it first set in that something really bad had happened.
shortly after, everyone evacuated the train. some people had been badly injured and were being carried off the train by other people. it was a bit chaotic for a good 30 minutes. at first everyone just hung out right outside the train. that is where there was the most shade and we definitely wanted you to be in the shade. then we were given orders to go sit on the other side of the train - the side that had no shade. then the emergency crews started to show up and we were told to walk toward the road (about a 1/2 mile away). dad went back onto the train to grab all of the belongings we were able to carry on with us when we boarded, then we started our trek to the road. a half of a mile doesn't sound like a long way to go, but with two diaper bags, your carseat, dad's suitcase, our clothes for the wedding (which were in a hanging sack), and a case of water (which dad took on his way off the train, bless his heart) a half a mile started to seem like a long way! dad forgot to get your stroller when he went back to get everything, so he went back another time to get that (and thank goodness he did because the rest of our trip would have been pretty difficult without it).
getting to the road seemed to take forever. after dad got all of our stuff off the train he thought it would be okay to leave us for a bit and go take pictures and record what was going on around us. i took you and anyhting else i could manage, which wasn't much, and continued walking toward the road. i heard one of the train employees say that the smoke coming from the train was toxic and that we needed to get as far away from it as soon as possible, and that is when i pretty much lost it (suprisingly i had been very calm up until then). all that i could think about after hearing that was you and your two month old lungs and how the smoke was supposedly toxic. what if you had inhaled too much smoke and didn't survive this? my precious baby boy who i love more than anything in the world...my pride and joy...my greateast accomplishment...how would i go on with my life if anything ever happened to you? i don't think i could. finally dad came back to us...i handed you to him and told him to get you to a paramedic asap. dad ran to the road, holding you in your carseat, and had you checked by a paramdeic. meanwhile, i was trying to trek through the sand/dirt/rocks/bushes pushing your stroller and pulling dad's suitcase, balling my eyes out! i am sure i was quite the scene. it wasn't long after that some nice people walking by offered to help me, and i had no choice but to let them.
i started running to the road to check on you. the paramedic who checked you said you seemed fine but to keep a close eye on you in case you started coughing. i had another paramedic check you out and she said the same thing. so i just held you in my arms and prayed that you would be okay. it was getting very hot outside and you were still wearing your footed pajamas from the night before. we poured water on a washcloth and wrapped that on your neck and head to keep you cool. you and i were treated very well by everyone around us. people offered to give up their seats in the shade so that we could sit there. a paramedic kindly offered for us to sit in the front seat of an air-conditioned ambulence, and i couldn't pass up that offer! you started to get hungry, so there we sat, in the front seat of an ambulence with the a/c blasting, while you were nursing. i was just so grateful to be out of the hot sun and chaos, able to keep a better eye on you.
you did great during the whole fiasco baby finn. you didn't cry once, and that is not an exaggeration. after you finished eating you just sat and talked to me with a smile on that adorable face. we changed your diaper and switched ambulences (the one we were in was getting ready to take someone to the hospital). finally busses arrived, which would be taking us to the nearest city. the first bus was reserved for the elderly and mothers with infants...so we took our seat on that bus and off we went toward fallon, nevada. we were told that we would be shuttled to the high school auditorium, and that from there amtrak (the train company) would update us on the situation and let us know what they would be doing to help us reach our final destination. turns out, however, that since our bus had so many elderly people on it, they took us to the hospital where we would all be checked out by doctors. i was actually very grateful for that, because i just wanted the peace of mind of knowing that you really were okay. the hospital provided us with snacks while we waited for the doctors to come check on us. after being deemed healthy and good to go, we went down to the cafeteria where there were sandwhiches, chips, crackers and drinks. then we boarded another shuttle that took us right across the street to the school auditorium that everyone else was being shuttled to.
inside the auditorium there were tons of volunteers who showed up to help when they heard about the train accident. when we walked in, a lady who saw how young you were instantly said, "you have a baby, what do you need?" i said, "i think we are pretty good on everything for now, i have enough diapers and wipes to last us until we can get to a store." the lady said, "no, no, i want to help, i will come check on you in a second." so we took a seat in the gym, and a few minutes later that lady came back and asked what size diapers you wear. she was determined to help us out! i told her that i really thought we had enough for the time being, but she said, "honey, i have two kids, and let me tell you, boys shit like there's no tomorrow!" haha sorry for the bad word, but it was pretty funny! about 20 minutes later she came back with a whole stack of diapers for you, and thank goodness she did because turns out both of us would be needing them later in the day. ;)
while we were sitting in the gym a bunch of different people came up to me to check on us and tell us what we needed to do. we had to fill out a little form so that amtrak would know we made it safely off the train. we also had to write down our address and contact information, along with the luggage that we checked in when we boarded the train so that eventually amtrak would know where to send our luggage. sadly for you and me, everything of ours was in a suitcase on the train, so you and i had nothing. :( i knew that i shouldn't be worrying about our belongings during a time like that, but i couldn't help but be a little bugged that we didn't have anything. plus, i packed all of your cutest clothes, and i was worried that the luggage cart may have caught fire and that we would lose all of our stuff forever.
i don't know how long we were sitting in the auditorium for. when we first got there i updated dad's status on his facebook page (i couldn't write anything on mine because i didn't have a phone - it had broken the day before, as luck would have it). i wrote, "we were on the amtrak train that was involved in a fatal accident. becky, finn and i are doing okay, and just so thankful to be alive." well, little did i know that within a few minutes time dad would be contacted by reporters who wanted to do interviews with him...all because i wrote the word "amtrak" on his facebook status. :) dad, who we love dearly, started getting all caught up in the attention of this and became obsessed with doing interviews. he was on the phone with reporters all afternoon, answering their questions and trying to send them footage he had taken from his phone of the accident.
while dad was busy becoming famous, i just sat in the gym with you...you started to get hungry again so i fed you a bottle. a nice lady named rowena kept coming up to us to make sure we were okay. eventually she asked me where we were from, and where we were going. when i told her we were from salt lake city, utah, she asked if we were members of the church. turns out they were too, and from then on she seemed to be very interested in us and our situation. she asked how we were going to get to oakland. by that point, amtrak informed us they would be providing busses to take us to our final destinations. well, dad and i were not to keen on taking the bus. we didn't know how long it would take with all the stops they would be making, and we needed to be in oakland by 10:30 the next morning if we wanted to make it to the wedding. so i told rowena that we would probably just take a bus to reno (which was about an hour away from where we were) and that from there we would rent a car and drive the rest of the way to oakland. rowena then did one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me - she offered to give us a ride to reno. normally i do not like to impose on people, but in this case i accepted her help. i told her that would be wonderful if she could. so she went and found her husband (who was helping other people), told him we needed to get to reno and that she offered for them to drive us. he was just as generous and kind as she was and said that he would love to. they went home to get their truck, came back 20 minutes later and off we went with brett and rowena hunsinger to reno, nevada.
the hunsinger's were such nice people. i really enjoyed talking to them during our hour-long ride to reno. they were probably some of the most kind-hearted, genuine people i have ever met. dad had exchanged phone numbers with them for some reason, and later that night (about midnight, actually) they called us to make sure we got to where we were going safely. how kind is that?! they dropped us off at the reno airport, made sure there was nothing else they could do for us and then turned back around and drove home. i was so thankful to the hunsinger's for their generosity and hospitality, especially during a time when i was so stressed out and overwhelmed with all that had happened to us.
we rented a car at the reno airport, which turned out to be another fiasco. dad's drivers licence expired back in april, and for some reason he only had a temporary drivers licence. but he forgot it in his truck back home. so without a current drivers licence, we were unable to rent a car in his name. i always thought you had to be 25 years old to rent a car, and i am a little less than a month away from turning 25, so i asked the gentleman working at enterprise if he could bend the rules in this case. he informed me that you don't have to be 25, but you do need a credit card in your name, which i don't have. long story short, we had to call american express and make me an authorized user on dad's credit card, the enterprise man still had to bend a rule or two and finally we were able to rent a car. to rent a car one-way (from reno to oakland) is quite pricey! cost us nearly $300. but time was ticking and we didn't want to miss the wedding...not when we had miraculously made it this far. so we got in the car and headed toward oakland.
the drive from reno to oakland is a beautiful one, however it is a bit scary, especially at night. by the time we got on the road it was nearly 9 o'clock, and we hadn't been driving for very long when dad started getting sleepy. so we switched places and i drove. i wasn't tired...i think i was still running on adrenaline...but the twists and turns of the road combined with how narrow the lanes are, plus the fact that we were driving through mountains (where there were probably deer and other animals who cross the road and cause accidents) made me a little nervous to be driving so late at night. i couldn't help but feel there was
something trying to prevent us from making it to this wedding...first our train was delayed 3 hours...then the train gets in a terrible, once in a million accident...the last thing we needed was to get in a car accident. so we decided to get a hotel room in a little town about 30 minutes east of sacramento, and boy was i glad to have that day over with. laying in bed that night with all of us safe and alive, i felt such a feeling of relief...relieved that we made it through such a long, exhausting and horrific day. it was definitely one of the worst days of my life.
the next morning i woke up bright and early. or maybe i should say
you woke me up bright and early! ;) we were both still on utah time, let's put it that way. so i fed you, then i jumped in the shower (my first shower in 4 days haha, we won't even get into that!). i usually don't like taking a shower without my own shampoo/conditioner, body and face wash, etc. but in this case i was thrilled to get cleaned off in any way i could. :) i woke dad up after i was finished, he showered, we packed up and hit the road after enjoying our complementary continental breakfast. the drive from that point forward was nice and smooth. we stopped at a target to buy some clothes for me (we stopped at an old navy in reno the night before to buy some clothes for you), as well as essential toiletry items...shampoo/conditioner, toothpaste/brush, mascara, deoderaunt, etc. etc. we finally made it to kevin's house in oakland by 10:30 a.m. saturday, june 25th. everyone was so relieved that we made it there safe, alive and in time for the wedding.
what we know about this train accident now is that the truck ran into the train. we still don't know why the truck hit the train, and we may never know because the truck driver was killed in the accident, along with six other people. 20 people were seriously injured and as of now 28 people are still missing. they could have been in one of the two passenger cars that were hit by the truck, they may have left the scene of the accident without telling anyone they made it out okay, or they may have never gotten on the train to begin with. this type of accident is a 1/1,000,000 chance. trains
almost always hit cars/trucks etc., cars and trucks
rarely run into trains.
since this accident i have been plagued with fear thinking about all these "what if's". the truck that hit us was a semi tractor-trailer carrying two
empty trailers.
what if the trailers had been full? we most likely would have de-railed and the accident would have been much worse.
what if the truck had hit us a few seconds later, or if the train was going a few mph faster? he may have hit the observatory car that you and dad were in, or the sleeper car that i was in, and one of us might not be here today.
what if you had inhaled too much of that toxic smoke? there are so many things that could have happened, it scares me to death to think how close we were to being seriously injured or dead. but heavenly father has a plan for us and we are here for a reason. the day the accident happened i heard people all around me saying stuff like, "it just wasn't our time to go." after thinking about it i know they were right. our work here on this earth isn't done yet, we still have things to do. but over the past few days i have realized more than ever before in my life how truly precious life is. it is a gift. one that, too often, we take for granted.
i am very grateful for dad, and for his strength, courage and his level-head. he is a great person to have by your side in a crisis, because he doesn't lose focus, he doesn't panic. he stayed calm and collected that whole day, which helped keep me calm. i am grateful that you were with him when the truck hit the train...you were in good hands. dad knew just what to do to get you to the safest place possible. you are lucky to have such a great dad finn, you really are. :)
i am so grateful that i am here today to write this terrible story on your baby blog. as much as i wish this accident is one that we had never been involved in, i must remind myself that everything happens for a reason. i love you more than anything in the world, and if it is possible i love you now more than i ever have. words cannot express how grateful i am for the opportunity i have been given to be your mommy mr. finn. it's weird, because in situations like this, being a mom makes everything 10x worse, and 10x better...all at the same time. when the accident happened i was 10x more scared because i was worried for your safety and health and well-being. but all those same things - protecting you and doing all i could to keep you safe and healthy - were what got me through the day. you are an anchor for me, and i don't know what i would ever do without you.
i love you more than words finn, and will never be able to express how thankful i am to have you here today.
love,
mom
