dear finn,
i have debated whether or not i should even document this story. it was definitely one of the worst experiences of my life, and one that i'd just rather forget. but at the same time it helps put things into perspective for me, and helps me realize that there is someone watching over us, listening to and answering our prayers, for which i'll always be grateful.
today grandma cindy came over to play with us. i had told her how much fun you have at the splash pad in foxboro, and she wanted to witness it for herself. so we took you over there, but were only there for a few minutes because it became apparent that you were getting thirsty and hungry, and silly me forgot your water and food. so we left, went to mcdonald's to get some lunch, then headed home where we sat down on the patio to eat. you were wandering around the yard like you always do, coming over for a bite every now and then but mostly just roaming free. a few days ago you discovered the gate (over by the garage) so you've been playing over there ever since. well normally the gate is locked so i haven't worried too much about you being over there.
you had been over by the gate for a few minutes, and i started getting concerned because i couldn't hear or see you, so i walked over to check it out. panic swept over me when i saw that the gate was wide open, and you weren't in sight. in a panicked state i started calling your name, and to my utmost fear saw you standing in the middle of the road in front of our house. it was the most scared i have ever felt, seeing my helpless, innocent adorable little baby standing right there in the middle of the road, where cars drive entirely too fast and could have hit and killed you in an instant. of course i started balling, and did pretty much the rest of the day.
i said many prayers of thanks throughout the rest of the day, because i just know that heavenly father was watching over you. i'm so thankful for the prompting i had to go check on you, as well. i also said many prayers asking for peace and calmness, and to help me not dwell on the situation. as grandma cindy said, it was a good learning experience and helped me realize that even though our backyard is a safe place for you, i still need to be there checking on you, especially when you leave my line of sight. the situation could have been so much worse, and i am obviously beyond grateful that nothing happened to you.
you were such an easy baby, and so far, you have been such an easy toddler, but i will shamefully admit there are times when i think to myself, "another poopy diaper?" or when you wake up crying in the middle of the night (most likely because you are in pain due to teething, or cold, or just want to be snuggled) and i think, "what now?" i love you more than anything in the world, but i'd be lying if i said these thoughts never came to me. anyway, my point is, that this experience put things into perspective for me, because not a day goes by that i'd wish away your poopy diapers, or painful cries, or fussy moods if it meant you weren't here on this earth with me. i honestly don't think i could live in this world without you baby finn. you mean everything to me. everything, and i'm so thankful to our heavenly father for his tender mercies, and for watching over and protecting us, especially in our times of need.
i know that part of being parents means having to deal with scary instances, such as these, but i hope and pray that i will do my best to make sure that nothing happens because of my negligence or laziness. i have to remember that i can't place too much confidence in you....after all, you are only one year old and, for the most part, have no idea what is right or wrong, or scary or dangerous. you are just an innocent little dude, figuring the world out, and i promise i will do what i can to make your world as safe as it can be for you.
i love you more than you'll ever know sweet boy. you are my everything, and i hope you never forget that. :)
love,
mom
