dearest baby finn,
today we found out that in approximately nine months, you are going to be a BIG BROTHER!!! can you even believe it?!
i am experiencing a ton of different emotions right now....joy, sadness, happiness, guilt, fear, love...just to name a few. first and foremost, this is very exciting news, because i know you are going to love having a little brother or sister, and i know you are going to be an amazing big brother. it is just in your nature. and i know i have nothing to worry about, but part of me is scared that you won't love me anymore. ;(
you mean the world to me dear boy. you have seriously brought me more happiness and joy in your ten months here than i have ever experienced in my whole life. you make every day better, and i can't even remember what my life was like before you came, nor do i care to remember it. you have changed me, for what i like to think is the better, and even though i know i have much to improve upon as your mom, i hope you know how much i love and care for you. i am balling my eyes out just writing this.
it is weird to think that you are still so young and we already have another one on the way. i sometimes wonder how it will all work out....taking care of a toddler and a newborn, both who have different needs, both who need so much love and attention. i don't know what it will be like, but i know it will all work out and that we will all do the best we can and be happy. i am so excited for this new little baby, and for him/her to get to know her amazing big brother. you were given an amazing role and calling in this family, finn, and i know that heavenly father prepared you for this in the pre-existence. i know that you knew what you were getting yourself into, and that you came down with courage and excitement. i know all of these things, and yet i am still so scared that you won't like me as much as you do now. that is my biggest fear. however i know that all things happen in the lord's timing. this baby wasn't an 'accident.' your dad and i planned it, and were/are very excited to bring another child into our family...i know it is what heavenly father wants for us and i know that a year from now all three of us will wonder how we ever lived without your little brother/sister.
i guess i should stop writing because i am getting more hysterical as i keep typing. for now just know that i love you more than any words could ever describe. you will always be my firstborn - the one who taught me what it is to be a mom...the one who introduced me to the love that comes with being a mother...the one who brought more smiles to my face than i ever could have dreamed of...the one who kept me up at night, worrying about whether or not you were okay in your crib, or feeling well, or thinking about all the cute and silly things you had done that day. you are my pride and joy, my prince, my love, my life. i love you more than you'll ever know dear boy.
oh, and congratulations! you're going to be a big brother. :)
love,
mom
